My fear

 When I was manic, my paranoia and delusions were related to shaitan. I felt like I could see him everywhere - in my interactions with people, to the thoughts that I was being bombarded with. And I was terrified. 

My fear of shaitan felt so real, that I woke up in the middle of the night feeling this sense of dread and petrified to my bed. I then texted a friend who had been my safe space during this experience. 

After feeling a bit clamer I got out of bed, and walked down the hallway outside my bedroom, thinking to myself how should I overcome this fear. I remember telling myself maybe you should befriend your fear but that meant befriending shaitan and that was a terrifying thought. 

I then decided to try pretending to shoot at shaitan. If I couldn't befriend him the maybe I could  shoot him outa of existence. Pew Pew Pew I went like a crazy person, except I know I'm not crazy, I was just going through something.

That night ended with me talking my younger sister's ear off (who was awake at the time), and then standing for Fajr prayer. Except by then I was so exhausted I remember I recited surah ikhlas in my first rakah and boom, next thing I know I'm passed out on the floor. I needed help going back to bed that night.